Do you ever wonder who you are meant to be? Should you be who are at this very minute or are you supposed to be more? How do we know?
I’ve been wondering about this a lot. Who am I? The Caterpillar asks Alice who she is and Alice doesn’t know how to answer the question… Neither do I. I’ve changed so many times over the years as Alice did in so many hours during her visit to Wonderland.
Isn’t that something that I should’ve asked myself when I was in my teens not in my late 40’s? It’s a conundrum. I’ve always thought that when someone reaches my age they’ve figured it all out. Have I wasted my life, or am I wasting my life not really knowing who I am? See the problem? If you don’t, then you aren’t where I am YET, OR maybe you’ve figured it all out and are flying by my station in life. Either way, maybe you can pass on some good advice to help me on my journey.
I know through a spiritual answer who I am — I’ve been teaching it over the years to my kids and other people’s kids. I am a child of God, I am a Field and a Brower. I am worthy of being all three and should make sure I keep those names and His image in a good light. The question should be really who does God want me to be? Does He care if I am more than kind, loving and giving to others as I have been taught? Does He care if I am successful, confident and proud of myself and others? I guess those questions only matter if spirituality is important to you or not. It’s sure important to me. I care about what will happen to me in the hereafter. I care about who I interact with, how I influence for good and who I am just being a jerk-face to. Maybe, I don’t care if they are a jerk-face or not, well, actually I do, but I sure don’t want to be. It’s not what I want people to remember me by. If you don’t care about the spiritual questions, that’s okay with me too. I’m not judgmental of other’s beliefs, that’s none of my business.
I’ve been told by wise, older friends that when you reach 50 no one cares about what others think about them. The closer I get to 50 the less sure I am of who I am or who I was SUPPOSED to be before reaching the age I am. I do care about what others think of me or maybe it’s not that I care about what they think, but what they Perceive of me.
The definition of Perception is:
*the ability to see, hear or become aware of something through the senses.
*the state of being or process of becoming aware of something through the senses.
*a way of regarding, understanding, or interpreting something; a mental impression.
*intuitive understanding and insight.
So my curiosity is about the third definition of Perception. How do people regard or interpret me? Do they see me who they think I am because of my name, my husband’s job or are they using their “intuitive understanding and insight” as the last definition describes and actually seeing me as I really am? Like Alice, I don’t know which direction is the right way and I am curious. I still wonder what people think of me.
For example, I’m sitting in a meeting wearing a bright red dress (it looks, according to many voiced sources, amazing and beautiful on me- it’s the hair color and skin tone that makes it work.) I was sitting between two extremely sweet women. I had one, tell me that I was extremely intelligent and creative. We are Facebook friends and used to go to church together. I’m not sure if my posts show a glossed over version of myself or she just gets it from my questions and comments at church. I always try to be real with everyone that I interact with but other people’s perception of me is not in my control. As my dad always says, ” you don’t have a right to know what other people think of you…” I’m Alice, I want to know everything.
The other woman told me I had a beautiful voice after seeing me sing in a choir performance a few weeks before. I never know how to respond to comments like that. Do you say thank you; gush over how sweet the person is or give a compliment back? Maybe you can tell me because I haven’t got a clue what the proper response is. I tend to do all three. I was feeling pretty loved right then. However, I never know if at the time I come off cocky when I receive compliments and this is where the conundrum comes in. How to react so you are perceived as humble and not radiating so much happiness that you come off arrogant.
Another example: Have you ever been told you look like someone you don’t have respect for and don’t know how to respond to the obviously sincere compliment? That happened to me the other day. I was told I looked like Amy Schumer. I said thank you. Then the man said I was as smart in so many ways just like Amy. He didn’t continue on with what things make me smart. I sure wish he had. I am dying of curiosity. Yes, again, like Alice. I’ve never thought Amy was someone to look up to, so I don’t agree. Yes, she’s a Smartalek, witty as a comedian, but not, to me, funny or smart. I’m pretty sure I didn’t use any sense of humor around this person, so I know he’s not comparing me to the comedian in Amy Schumer. I will say though, I don’t personally know Amy Schumer, so maybe MY PERCEPTION of her is wrong. I am sure it is…
Perception is just that way, you can’t control what others view of you unless you always live you — the you who you are when no one is watching, the one that shows up in the shower, sitting on the couch chatting with your kids, the one that pours their heart out to their journal. Why is it so hard for some people to be real with themselves and others. I get this question all the time, “Are you for real?” Yes. As real as I can be when having to be guarded to not share too much information with people who might be using what you tell them against the people you love. Seriously, who asks those types of questions. “are you for real?” as if I am a cloned person, or a robot, or a Memorex cassette tape. I’m in front of them, aren’t I? Funny.
Life is a Snap, isn't it? 