Hello, It’s me, Eeyore

Sometimes when you aren’t feeling well you start to think like Eeyore. You feel like your grey, your tail pin is crooked, no one likes you, but you still plug along, just like he does.  He’s a perfect example of life. When Life gets crazy, you either stick to yourself or show your strength and move among the masses. I mean Eeyore is super strong. Did you ever notice that he is always carrying stuff for his friends?  He is loyal and selective about his friends. I tend to do that when I am not feeling well. My favorite quote from Eeyore is about friends, It’s from Winnie-the- Pooh by A.A. Milne, “I might have known,” said Eeyore. “After all, one can’t complain. I have my friends.”

And When I am feeling really down and feeling friendless, I go to my reminder quote from my favorite Winnie-the-pooh book, “House at Pooh Corner” which comes from Rabbit: “It’s your fault, Eeyore. You’ve never been to see any of us. You just stay here in this one corner of the Forest waiting for the others to come to you. Why don’t you go to THEM sometimes?” after I start feeling better you might see me standing at your door knocking away just to say “hi” and see how you are doing. 😀

What does it mean to have friends? Is it someone you can count on?  Someone you go and do things with, someone who shares with you their deepest darkest secrets?  Then couldn’t you just need your spouse/boyfriend, your parents, your siblings or your kids?  Why do you need outside influences, say a girlfriend to hang out with and talk to?    

I find that having outside friendships helps enrich your life to more than what your inner influences are – say, your family the ones that know you the best, the ones that have struggled through life with you, the ones that maybe you feel so comfortable, you don’t need to extend yourself with and that leads to a lack of growth. Outside influences help you to see, feel, and experience things you might not have without them. Without Matt, I wouldn’t have learned to ski, fly in weird and huge planes, tasted different foods or lived in so many other cities. However, I also feel as if when you are so close to someone you don’t always take their advice, especially, when it is your spouse and you don’t always think they are going for your growth but their own. This means you are stubborn to their suggestions sometimes and that also doesn’t help you grow and become a deeper version of yourself.

I don’t have many close friends and the ones I do have don’t live near me…  They live in Florida, Georgia, Arizona, Salt Lake, and Santa Clara, Utah.  I talk to them, interact with them on social media and are reminded every day how much they mean to me, however, as I write this, I realize that I need to cultivate a close girlfriend relationship, here… I need to have someone who I can go to lunch with, someone to go shopping with that loves to goof around while doing so and maybe, just maybe, go hiking, biking or kayaking during the week with me when Matt is at work.  

Don’t get me wrong, I love, love, love my life. I love what I do. I don’t need a job, I have one, one that I love!  Yes, it doesn’t pay conventionally; I get paid in books, but It saves us hundreds of dollars each year and I get to read all the new stuff and connect with the authors of those books. Who can argue with that?  I sure don’t!! Still, I need a companion to goof around with, even outside community events to me don’t count as people just go, it’s not a plan to meet up, hang out and talk… All work and solitude make for a very dull Sandi. (yes, that was me using cliche sentences and referring to myself in the third person. who does that?)  

Now, how do you go about becoming friendly and close to people?  I know, I know, some would say that it is by being a friend yourself, just as Rabbit did to Eeyore. Except that isn’t the easiest thing to do when you are not working or out and about every single day of your life. So, volunteering would help that, wouldn’t it?  Yes, and no. When you are volunteering you are yes, building a relationship with other people, young and old, thin and thick, male and female. You have a common bond with them, you cultivate plans, build experiences, and then leave the office, building, common area and go back to your own life. These volunteers are usually retired, or work during the day and build into their schedule time to attend these meetings because they are super excited to help make life better for the community. They aren’t looking to extend their outer circles any more than they already have. When I was younger, it was easier, the kids were involved in things, sometimes mothers are thrown together into an activity, running kids back and forth to after school activities and need help with that and develop a connection to other mothers who are also trying to fit it all in.   

Let me tell you how I met my Santa Clara best friend… even though most people know who she is, I will still protect her identity by calling her “friend” 😉: When Mckenna was in kindergarten, she met two sweet girls. One loved to play soccer, the other just loved to have fun. Mckenna needed these two girls in her life as she danced and did theater and needed a different way to interact with other kids besides the same kids she always did. Besides, everyone needs friends in school, it makes more fun, right?    

Anyway…  One day Mckenna asked if she could go play with her new friend “M” at her home. I said absolutely, talked to the mother after school to let her know I had a meeting at church and that Mckenna’s dad would pick Mckenna up after he was off of work, around 6 p.m. “friend” said that was great and I went on my way.  We didn’t have cell phones back then so, if there was an emergency, “friend” had Matt’s work number and our home number and I wasn’t worried about anything happening to Mckenna anyway, she was pretty self-contained. I go home, make dinner, help the boys with homework, send them off to play with friends, and go off to church to work with girls 12 – 18 years old.  I remember we were getting ready for Young Women in Excellence. The girls were going to be presenting their Young Woman’s projects to their parents and peers and so, we were working on their projects and following up on other things they were working on. 

Anyhoo, I headed home afterward and walked into the house, started checking in with the kids and Mckenna wasn’t home. I found Matt in the backyard and was like, “where’s Mckenna?” he said, “you were supposed to get her…” um, no” that was his job, what we had talked about, what he had agreed to. Over the course of the day, he got so busy at work that he totally forgot, and had just arrived home about 10 minutes before I did. It was 10 o’clock at night. It was late. I jumped in the car and headed to “friend’s” house and nervously knocked at the door. She answered the door I apologized profusely again and again, and she said, “I was trying to figure out what kind of parents would leave their 6-year-old at a stranger’s house for so long. She and “M” are already asleep in “M’s” room.” She said, “let her stay and I’ll bring her home in the morning.”  I checked in on them and they looked so sweet that I couldn’t pick Mckenna up and take her home even though I felt I should… “Friend” did bring her home in the morning after she was well fed and content having made a new friend. 

We were thick as thieves after that day. We spent more time with each other than sometimes with our husbands all because of the activities the girls had in common. I loved “Friend” more than any other friend I’ve ever had. I moved away, she moved away, and the girls became disconnected as they grew older, however, I can honestly say even though we don’t connect often when we do it’s like we were never away from each other. That is the kind of friend I am looking for now, someone who is there to jump into the deep end kicking and screaming and come up with me laughing our heads off.

Eeyore realizes that he has the best friends in the whole wide world, “A little consideration, a little thought for others, makes all the difference,” that is what Winnie the Pooh, Rabbit, Tigger, Owl and Piglet give to Eeyore. That is what I need in this new world of mine. 

 I once had a friend who said, “these aren’t my people” as we sat in a huge group at a winery for our husband’s work. I said, “how would you know if you don’t get to know anyone here?”

 It’s up to us to step out of our comfort zone, step into the shoes of others, smile, say hello so we can get to know them and build a relationship if you are lucky to make a connection. This is my philosophy- anyone can be your friend as long as you take the first step. So, here’s to taking my own advice, and Rabbit’s, and stepping out, reaching out and making that connection.